Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. Well, good morning again. It’s good to be here together as we continue in our study of First Peter. So if you have a Bible, go ahead and turn to First Peter. If you have a church Bible, that page number will be on the screen. If you don’t have a Bible, we’ll have those out in the lobby. You can grab one of those at any time. Those are free for you. We want you to be able to turn into God’s Word, and to be able to read from it on your own at any time. I want to give thanks to Troy Kolb, who last week shared and gave the sermon last week in our absence. We weren’t here. Thank you Troy, I watched online. I thought he did a a tremendous job, and I’m so grateful that he could come and share. Julie and I were gone. We were celebrating our 25th anniversary. We were. That was back in September. But yeah. We we were able to finally get away for a week at the beach. And, my dad said this morning, why haven’t you told us yet what you did during your trip? I said, there’s there’s nothing to share. We did a whole lot of a lot of nothing, a lot of boring days, which sometimes you just need that. You need some downtime just to connect, just to hang out. No agenda. And it was it was great. It was what we needed. But we’re in first Peter today and we’re in chapter three. So we’ve gone through chapter one, chapter two and chapter three, and we’re in this section in first Peter, where the big theme of First Peter is finding joy in suffering. You saw that on the screen, finding joy in suffering. But we’re in this section where he has been talking about how do you then bear up under those who are hostile toward your faith when you have no choice? If you’re in some relationship where there’s an authority over you who’s hostile toward your faith, what do you do with that? How do you deal with that? And how do you not just get through it but find joy? Actually not just survive, but also flourish? Two weeks ago. Three weeks ago, we looked at government. When you’re under a government hostile to your faith. The previous message before Troy, we looked at the workplace. If you’re under a boss, an employer. Now we turn to the family. What about in a marriage? This week we’ll look at wives. Next week we’ll look at husbands. This week in particular. What if you’re a wife and you’re married to someone who’s not a believer and is even hostile toward your faith? Although you are doing your best to honor him, to honor Christ, to follow him and all that you do, that’s what we’re going to look at this week in the context of the whole big picture of First Peter. So turn to chapter three, and let’s just read the whole passage that we’re going to study this week. We’re going to look at verses one through six. Chapter three, verse one, likewise, wives. And he says likewise here, because this is keying back in to each of those sections prior to this that go all the way back to verse 13, that start with Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution. But here he says, likewise, just like in those other situations. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. When they see your respectful and pure conduct, do not let your adorning be external. The braiding of hair, the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear. But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. But this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands. As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children if you do good, and do not fear anything that is frightening. Now this whole issue of how should a believing Christian woman continue to live in the relationship with a husband who’s not a believer and is even hostile toward their faith, would have been very relevant to Peter’s audience, to the time for a couple of different reasons. And by the way, if you’re going, that’s not my situation. What is there here for me today? There are plenty of lessons to be pulled from this that can apply to all sorts of environments that you face, especially when you’re in any kind of relationship where someone is hostile toward your faith. So filter it through that lens of where you are. But in Peter’s time, this would have been really important, because here you have a new Christian faith coming to all parts of the world, bringing new ideas. That’s going to contrast with the culture of the time. The Greek culture in particular. They held so closely to the importance of the order in the home. All of society in their minds, was built on order in the home. We saw this in the book of Esther that was in Greek society, but ancient culture. We saw where they were worried that if the Queen didn’t follow what the king said, then all homes would be upended and all of society would be ruined, and we might chuckle at that in our age. But this was a core value to them at the time. The order of the home was very important. And so when Christianity came in and started to say some crazy things, like both husband and wife were made in God’s image, we’re going to see next week instructions to the husband. Treat her as a co-heir of life. You’re going to oh, wait a second, are you trying to upend society? Are Christians really here to turn over the government, to destroy the way the world is supposed to work? These would have been concerns for a wife who’s going, I’m going to follow this new faith. And in Greek culture, actually, the only choice I have is to follow whatever faith my husband has, same for my children. That’s it. What are you? I’m whatever he is. That would have been the common understanding. But now I’m going to follow this new faith. What does this mean? Not only does what this mean culturally and in society, but also, at the end of the day, probably the most pressing issue is the personal issue. You know, I married this man because I love him and I care about him. And now I have hope and joy and peace like never before. I want him to know that as well. I want to be with him in Paradise someday. I care deeply about him. And by the way, might he not also cast me out? What is all this going to mean? These would have been very pressing questions for the audience. What are they to do? Peter is going to give two instructions and one example. He’s going to give two instructions and one example in this passage. And so let’s look back at verse one and two to see this first instruction. The first instruction, in fact it will be on the screen the very first instruction was to just continue to follow Christian order for relationships. You know what Christian order for relationship is? Continue to follow that look back at verse one and two and just revisit what is written there as we unpack that idea. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. I’m sure part of the question for a wife, a new Christian wife would have been okay. I knew I understand Christian teaching is is that there is an order, a biblical order to society, that God created the world, that he cares about order. He’s not a God of confusion. He’s a God of peace, he wants to see order carried out. But what does that mean when my husband is hostile to my faith? How am I supposed to follow that? And he says here clearly, continue to follow. Continue to submit yourself to his leadership in that culture at that time. Now, of course, there’s going to be some questions about that. There’s going to be some challenges with that. That’s going to raise some questions. The first being what it says here about his attitude, even if some do not obey the word. You mean, even if he is hostile toward my faith? Yes. In fact, that phrase, if some do not obey the word, comes from a word that sounds like our word for apathetic. But that’s not what it means. Because when we think apathetic, we think like probably some of us were towards faith. Before you became a Christian, you may have just felt like, I don’t really care about that stuff. I don’t want to know about it. That’s fine. If if that’s for you, that’s great. Leave me alone, I don’t care. That’s one approach. That would be what we would consider apathetic. But this word really at this time meant more like hostile hatred, intentional disobedience. Not just I’m not going to obey that. I’m going to go out of my way to disobey what you say is good. This would be the person who goes, I’m going to start the local atheist club. We I’m going to write books against Christianity. I’m going to try to convince as many people as I can how awful Christianity is. This is what some of this is hinting at. This is the guy you’re telling me I’m supposed to continue to follow his direction in our marriage? Yes. Now, a couple of caveats. I mean, and by the way, women, I’m not picking on you. Next week we’ll get to the men, so come back. Might be a good week. Probably not. Actually a good week to invite your husbands if they don’t come regularly. But the Bible is going to address us both. And this isn’t a full theology of marriage. I’m not addressing every reality of how we relate to one another in marriage. We can spend a lot of weeks doing that. This is speaking to the specific situation of a believing wife with an unbelieving husband. How do we continue to relate to one another? Couple of caveats here, though. Because this is complicated. This is hard. This isn’t easy. Christian order calls us to continue to follow your husband, but yet also recognize that there is a greater order, a higher order than him, an unbelieving husband hostile to your faith. If he’s calling you to reject your faith, to disobey Christ, that’s where you draw the line. Christ is above him. That is the higher order we are called to follow. If he’s requiring you to sin. That’s where you say, I can’t do that. That’s that goes against what I believe Christ has called me to do. Well, Christ, the Bible said, be subject to me in all things. No, no, no. We’ve got to look across all of Scripture and see there’s a greater allegiance. Okay, so there’s that caveat. The second would be this doesn’t mean that you’re to become his doormat. We don’t we don’t believe that’s biblical. In fact, if you look in verse seven what it’s going to say to men next week, you need to see her as your co-heir of life, speaking to a husband who has an unbelieving wife. You still need to see her as a — you’re equal before God. You’re both human. You’re both his creation. You’re both created in his image. You’re his co-heir. You’re not his doormat. Being submissive, being subject doesn’t mean with no value. In fact, a pretty important verse in this regard is Luke 2:51 that says, Jesus continued in submission to his parents, and we don’t think of Jesus as being lesser of a person, weaker of a person. In fact, I would say that shows great strength, he continued in submission to his parents. And of course, he’s constantly saying, I must do what my father says to do. We don’t view him as a weaker person. There are caveats here, but the encouragement is no. You need to continue to follow his leadership. Now, he says, why? Well, you saw this here in verse two, the end of verse one, so that they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see you are respectful and pure conduct. Now we know this doesn’t mean the encouragement here is if you want a strategy for how to see your non-believing husband come to Christ, it’s to mainly be focused on your example. Don’t get caught up. Don’t turn to nagging and manipulation. I know no one here would ever do that. I know no woman present in this church would ever do that. But if you’re tempted to know the scripture says no, no, no, don’t turn to nagging, manipulation, guilt. That’s one that might get used. How dare you not come to church? Do you love me? Your children? No, no. Instead, may they be won without a word by your example of your faithfulness, your love, your trust in Christ, rather than your own ability to control. Our temptation is to say, I’ve got to figure this out myself. I’ve got to use whatever tools I have to get it done. But here, may they be won without even a word by seeing your holy, righteous, loving conduct. Now, also, let me give another caveat. That doesn’t mean that you never speak, that you never talk about your faith. We know that because just a few verses later, 3:15, he’ll say, always be ready to give a defense for your faith when asked. You got to be ready. In fact, there’s a great quote I’m going to put on the screen by Karen Jobes. She’s a biblical scholar who commented on this verse in particular, and she said it this way. Go ahead and put that up on the screen. Now, wisdom is needed to discern when to evangelize with words, but the witness of one’s life speaks loudly in every circumstance. We need wisdom to know when do I actually defend my faith? Evangelize with words, but my life better already be displaying it. There’s a couple in the church that I asked their permission to share their story, who’ve experienced this, who have lived this. Jason and Emily Baumann. Emily was here working in our childcare center, helping out when we had our Celebrate Recovery for a while. Not a Christian, not going to the church, but she began to get to know some of the women who served here and her interest and faith grew and she becomes a Christian and wants to start going to church. So she says to Jason, do you mind if I go ahead and go to church, take the kids. You don’t have to come, but I’d like to go. And she knew he was not interested. He said, so you mean to tell me I’m going to get a whole morning to myself with no one else here? And you’re asking if I’m okay with that? Yes. Sign me up. Go ahead. So she starts coming to church, bringing the kids month after month after month, year after year. And she said there were many Sundays. It was very hard to be here, sitting here by myself. And some of you know what that’s like. You know what she felt. But Jason said she would come home on Sunday and I would see in her. I would see a joy. I would see in her a peace I didn’t see before. And that was softening my heart. I didn’t want to go to church. I was enjoying my alone time. It was softening my heart. Four years of her faithfully coming to church. One Sunday, she says, you know, if you ever want to come to church with us, we’ll go out to eat after. And he said, that’s all I need to hear. Because I’ve been thinking about coming. I’ve been thinking, it’s time for me to come see what it is that God has been doing in your life. Not nagging, not manipulating. You can be sure she wanted to, trusting that God is big enough to work in his life over time. That’s the point that Peter is making here. The first point he’s making continue to follow his leadership. Live an example and let God work in his life. That’s the first one. Now the second point here comes in the next two verses. The second strategy that you should employ here in the next two verses, look down at verse three and four. What else should you do? Here’s what not to do. Do not let your adorning be external. The braiding of hair, the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear. But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. So here we have number two. The second thing you should do in this situation is focus on character, not appearance. Focus on character, not appearance. Now, this doesn’t mean to completely neglect appearance. He’s not saying that these things braiding of hair, clothes, gold. He’s not saying those are inherently wrong. He’s just saying they are of almost no use in comparison to the character. The growth of your heart. You. You could be named the most beautiful woman in the world by whatever magazine ten years in a row. But Proverbs says it’s better to live on a corner of a roof than in the house with a nagging wife. It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are if I can’t stand to be around you. If. If you’re always tearing me down, you see, it’s not a strategy that will work. Not only does it not work, if you focus your attention on how beautiful you are and ignore character, but it’s a failing strategy as well because beauty fades. It always fades for every one of us. I saw a story recently of a number of actresses for the Hallmark Channel who were suing hallmark because they felt like they were being passed over for some roles because they’ve gotten a little bit older. Who is shocked by that, by the way? That is all of the acting world that always happens because beauty always fades. So if that’s your main strategy for keeping your husband, when now you’re a Christian and he’s not and you’re not sure if he’ll still want you, if that’s your main strategy, it’s not going to work. In fact, Proverbs says Proverbs 31:30, charm is deceitful, beauty is vain, beauty fades. What do you do instead? The verse ends this way. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. There’s a story I heard years ago, Alan & Dolores Harden. This was a couple we met through family life when we were serving in marriage ministry. They weren’t believers. As this happens with many couples, their lives grew apart. She was going down her career path. He was going down his career path. And she noticed he was starting to talk to some other women, losing interest in her. And her strategy became, what I’ll do is focus on my appearance, get as beautiful as I can, and I’ll also start flirting with other men. So he sees know that I am someone who is desirable. It didn’t work. He didn’t care. She tried to make him jealous. Fine with me. I think I have other people I’m interested in at this point. And so she’s at despair. She doesn’t know what to do. Somehow it ended up she started listening to Christian radio and she started to hear this teaching and programing day after day, hour after hour. And God began to work in her heart, and God began to change her. And God began to change her personality, her attitude, her approach. And what happened was he didn’t notice when she tried to look better. He didn’t notice when she tried to make him jealous. He noticed when he saw her character changing, she didn’t react the way she used to. When he tried to push her buttons, he saw something is different inside of you. What is it? I don’t these other people I’m talking to, they don’t have that. What is it? I want to know that. You see, this is the point of this section. Focus on character. There’s actually, at the end of the day, there’s nothing you can do to change other people. You only God can change them. You can try. But one thing you can do is let him work in your life, and he might use that to bring about change in the lives of others. So continue. Continue to follow his direction. Continue to follow his leadership. Not that the cost of following Christ Christ comes before him and then focus on character. Focus on the heart. Now why can he make that case? Why can Peter, in this chapter make that case that this is the approach you should take? We’ve seen this over and over again. Peter loves to do this. Peter loves to say, I’m going to make a point, and I’m going to show you where I got it In the Old Testament, he quotes from the Old Testament more than any other New Testament author per capita per verse that we have in this book over and over again. Here’s what I said, and here’s why– look back at the Old Testament. And so here’s what he says. You want to know why? Here’s an example. Look at verse five and six again. Verse five. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands. As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children if you do good, and do not fear anything that is frightening. So here he says, here’s why. The reason why I know this is the strategy you should follow. It’s because this is what the women who laid the foundation for our faith did. In fact, one in particular. This is what Sarah did. He says this of her. He says what she did was she obeyed Abraham and called him Lord. I think that’s a good place to wrap up the message. If we could just apply that today. Maybe not. We might need to explain what that means. Obey him. She called him Lord. What does it mean that Sarah obeyed Abraham? There’s not actually a place in the Old Testament where it says, and right now Sarah is obeying Abraham. So we’ve got to kind of look at the stories, read between the lines a little bit. We know that she obeyed him when he said, hey, I think these guys may want to kill me if they know I’m your husband. So I’m going to tell them you’re my sister and you play along. And she did. Sometimes husbands don’t always make the best decisions, do they? I’m glad that was silent. Actually, I was I was expecting there might be a lot of amens on that one. No, that was good. That was the right response. Okay. No, we don’t always make the best decisions. Abe Abraham, he he didn’t make the right call there. And yet she obeyed him. She followed his direction. She continued to follow him. Should she have not? I don’t know, that’s one example, a better example though. Way better example. God met Abraham and said, it’s time for you to go. It’s time for you to go out into the wilderness. I’m going to take you to another land. And of course, he’s wondering, where is that? I’ll tell you. Just get going. I’ll show you. And I know I’m sure Sarah was like, you mean what? Where? We’re doing what? You know, I know plenty of people love a good adventure, but I’d like to know where we end up along this journey. But she followed him. She said, okay, let’s go. Let’s go together. Let’s see what God’s going to do. She continued to follow his leadership, but second, when it says she called him Lord. Now when we think of that word, probably the only person you use that of is God is Jesus. That’s probably the only person you call Lord, unless you’re British in the 1800s, that who else do you call Lord? It’s a word, though, that at that time also meant much like we use sir, it was. This could have been just a sign of respect. I’ve called my boss, sir. I’ve heard parents call their kids in the South, sir. No, sir. Don’t you do that. You know. So we use words like that with a wide range of meaning. And here it means that Sarah said I’m going to continue to respect you. I’m going to continue to honor you even though you’re not perfect, even though you don’t make all the best decisions. I’m going to continue to honor you. And this is so important for us to hear because in our culture it is the opposite. It’s so fashionable to put down men and fathers. You watch any programing on the TV. Oh, pick any show. Most fathers are bumbling idiots. They need their teenager to rescue them to make it through life. You wonder the whole show how they accomplish anything in life? And that’s not true. It’s so fashionable. But she said, I’ll… I’ll honor you. Yeah. That wasn’t the right call. No, I’m not your sister. I will honor you. And it’s a good thing. By the way, Abraham wasn’t perfect. Guess who else wasn’t perfect, Sarah. You know, when she was calling him Lord in that story, at the same time, she was laughing out loud at the idea that she might have a kid, that she might get pregnant. She’s laughing at that. How ridiculous. I don’t trust, I don’t believe. In fact, she’s not sure this is going to come about. So she you know what she does. You remember the story. She gets her servant, her handmaid, and she says, Abraham, why don’t you have a kid with her so we can hurry this thing along? Because this promise isn’t coming along fast enough. Any wives ever get impatient with their husband’s plans? I don’t want to hear many amens from this side of the room. I got to think things through very carefully. Often it takes a long time to make decisions. But look, with Abraham, let’s hurry this up. Go have a baby with her. God’s promise will still happen. Abraham says, okay, whatever you want. We’ll do this. And her response to that. You think Abraham would have thought she’ll be happy now. And it was the opposite. Now she hated that servant. She hated that child. She probably hated Abraham. It doesn’t say that. And she wanted to be done with them all. Sarah wasn’t perfect either. You see, none of us are perfect. And here’s the beauty of this. If you look at the end of the passage, here’s what he says as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children if you do good, and do not fear anything that is frightening. Look, I’m not perfect. Julie is not perfect. Abraham wasn’t perfect. Sarah wasn’t perfect. And if you’re wondering if you’re someone who’s wondered, can God still use me? You don’t know what I’ve done. You don’t know the things I’ve done, I feel unusable, I feel like God. Look, Sarah gets held up as a model for you to follow, not her sinful decisions, but the way that she honored God, honored Abraham. And if he can use her, he can use you. If he can work in their life, if you can work in her life, he can use you. The last word to point out here is this word If. You are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. That word isn’t there in the original language. There’s no word there, but it’s written in a way that you do need to fill it in with something. You can also fill it in and most often fill it in with since. You are her children since you are her children because of who you are. And this is where it lands for the Christian. Because I know Christ, I can. I don’t have to walk in fear, I don’t have to manipulate, I don’t have to try to get my way through my own strength. Because I know him, I can walk in obedience to him. I don’t have to walk in fear. I can trust that he is at work behind the scenes. In fact, we sing that song all the time, even when I don’t feel it, even when I don’t see it. What’s he doing? He’s working. How often does he stop working? He never stops. And even when I don’t feel it, even when I don’t see it, he’s working. He never stops working. He’s at work. And yet it’s not always easy. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s true. And truth is what we need. Let’s pray. God, we thank you that we have the truth of your word. We live in a world. That really has no idea what is true or what is not. Has no idea what to base their lives in. But we know your word is truth, that you are the very essence of truth. God, would you help us to know what that means for us? As we this week looked at instructions for wives of unbelieving husbands, and next week we’ll look at what it says to the husband and how he is to act at the end of the day, there’s 100 different situations in here and we all need great wisdom from you. Would you guide us? Would you help us to hear from your spirit today? In fact, right now I just want to pray over a few of us. I’m not going to ask for any kind of public show of raising of hands or standing or anything like that. I think this is too delicate a situation. But in particular, if you’re a wife of an unbelieving husband, I want to pray for you right now. I’ll ask that you would just receive this prayer. God, would you move in his life today? I pray even right now, wherever he is, if it’s here, if it’s at home, if it’s somewhere else, that he would sense you moving in his life like never before. Just like Jason said, I saw what God was doing in your life. I saw your peace. I saw your hope. God was softening. Would you soften the heart of husbands today? And also, would you give? Would you give this woman courage today? Courage to continue to trust you, courage to continue to follow the truth of your word? Would you surround her with other women who could encourage her love on her, give her wisdom, give her hope? I pray this church would be a place. Where a woman in that situation would feel your love and presence and comfort. We thank you for your Holy Spirit that’s at work in the lives of all of us. We all need you. We we all need you. No matter how long we’ve known you. We’ve need you every day to renew us, to restore us, to walk with you. Thank you that we can come Jesus and worship together. We love you. Amen.