Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. Good morning, Valley View. It’s great to be with you today. While we continue in our study of First Peter. We’re going to be in First Peter chapter three today. If you want to go ahead and turn there. And if you don’t have a Bible, we have Bibles out in the connection corner there out on a little table out there. Slip out anytime and grab one. We’d love for you to be able to follow along as we read. We’re in a section in first Peter. Of course, the big theme of First Peter we put on the screen every week, finding joy in the midst of suffering. We want to be in a place spiritually where we don’t just squeak by, we don’t just somehow get through it and look. There are times where that’s how it has to go. I get that, but the hope is that we move to the place where we even find joy in the midst of the challenges of life. That’s the hope Peter holds out. And the section in particular, the subsection we’ve been looking at within that is how do you bear up under people who are in authority over you, but who are opposed to your faith? So we looked at government. What do you do when you’re serving under an unrighteous government? As a Christian, how do you live? We looked at the workplace as an employee. If you have an employer who’s opposed to your faith, how do you live? Last week we started into the issue of family. What does a wife do whose husband is opposed to her faith and this week we’ll look at husbands. So turn with me to First Peter chapter three, and we’re going to read verse seven. First Peter chapter three. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. What we’re going to see in this passage, in this one short verse, four ways for a Christian husband to lead and serve his family well. Four ways here in this one short verse. And probably the first thing you might notice is we’re looking at one verse for husbands. When it took six verses for wives last week, there’s a lot of probably jokes we could make about that. Maybe we just got to keep it simple for the husbands here, keep it bare bones. I think probably a helpful perspective is just to recognize that usually the person who is under someone’s authority, usually the person who has to follow someone’s lead, probably has it more difficult and could use some additional encouragement. And I think we saw a lot of that last week in those six verses. But for the husband, what are the four things that they’re encouraged to do to lead their family well? How do I keep in mind the needs of my family, given the role that God has called me to be? We’re going to see four ways and the first way here, and we’re going to look at four key phrases in this passage to pull these out. The first one we’re going to see here on the screen, it should say put yourself in her shoes. Start by putting yourself in her shoes. That ties back into this phrase husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. That phrase understanding way literally can just be translated as according to knowledge. And I think probably what that points at is just the reality. Live with her in a way that takes into account the reality that it can be challenging to have to follow the lead of your husband at times. It just can be. Don’t be naive to that reality. Be sensitive. Be aware of that dynamic. Don’t abuse that. Don’t be oblivious to that. Now, I think probably all of us would recognize that there are challenges to following anyone’s lead. But the reality is every role has its challenges. If you’re at work, you might be tempted to think of your boss as like having it easier than you must be great to be able to make all the decisions and take it easy and tell others what to do. But there are challenges, significant challenges with being the boss as well. The key takeaway here is to honor the different roles we’ve been called to play, to not look down on those, to not see those as lesser, but to honor those and here in particular, keep in mind the differences that God has called the wife to serve in, usually compared to the husband a guy used to serve with in ministry, Bob Lapin. We served in marriage and family ministry. Together, he helped co-host a radio show. He told this story once to me. It’s always stuck with me. As a young guy, recently married, they were traveling somewhere together and he asked the guy, so how’s it going? How’s your new marriage going? And the guy’s like, oh man, let me tell you, I could really use some help. She won’t submit to me. Bob goes, oh, really? Well, tell me more. And he’s complaining about how she won’t submit to me. And he said, how I can’t seem to make her submit to me. And Bob goes, well, listen, let’s let’s look at what Scripture says on that. Why don’t you reach in the glove compartment there, there’s a Bible. Pull it out. Turn over to Ephesians chapter five where it talks about that. He flips over to Ephesians chapter five. Why don’t you read to me there what it says about how you should lead well in the family? So he starts with wives. Submit to your own husbands. You say, whoa, whoa, wait a second. Who was that to? It said, wives, submit to your husband. What? What? Okay. All right, that’s great. That’s for the wife. What does it say to you? What’s the instruction to you? Look down a few more verses and it says. Husbands, love your wives. As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. And it goes on. And he said, now where in there does it say, husbands, make your wives submit to you? Where does it say that? Does it say that anywhere? Oh, no it doesn’t. Okay. That’s the instruction the Lord gave to her. And by the way, so that’s the Lord’s job to take care of that. That’s not your job. What’s your job? Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. And so he said to this young guy, you focus on that. You do that well, it’s not your job to try to make her submit to you. That’s that’s between her and the Lord. You do what he’s called you to do, but be mindful of the reality. Put yourself in her shoes, that that is no small task to follow the lead of someone else. It can be a challenge, and we need to keep that in mind and be sensitive to that. So that’s the first way. Live with her in an understanding way, according to knowledge. Secondly, look at this next phrase showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. The way we’ll sum that up today, the second point for man is honor her design. Honor her design. That word vessel really just refers to our bodies. That’s where we, our spirit resides in our bodies. We all have a physical vessel we live in. And the reality is, is that in general, men tend to be physically stronger than women. The average man has something like 25 pounds more muscle than the average woman. They’ll have broader, stronger shoulders, oftentimes higher bone density, oftentimes larger hands and feet. I mean, you look at the averages in general, men are going to be physically stronger than women. Of course, there are women who are stronger than a lot of men, but in general, men are stronger. We had a renovation of our fellowship hall, which is right below us here, and we had to move out all the old movable walls so that the new ones could be brought in. And I said, hey, if anybody can help do that, come on, and I’ll look over and here’s Dick Clark, 80 plus years old, picking up one of those walls with someone else, 150 pound walls. There was no 80 plus year old women in there helping out that day. In fact, out of the 50 guys who showed up, there was one woman. She was at least half Dick Clark’s age. So, you know, in general, men are going to be physically stronger than women. Now, here’s the key part of that, because what he says here is show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, because the reality is, although I may be physically stronger than Julie, there are other ways that she is stronger than me. I’m trying. Okay. Watch a woman give birth. Yeah, okay. Make sure she’s your wife. Don’t just go to the hospital asking. My pastor said to come watch a woman give birth. Don’t do that. You’re going to see a strength you haven’t seen before. You’re going to see a resolve. And I’m going. There’s no way. I don’t know that I could get through that. Or watch a mother stand up for her children. Watch the mama bear come out. You’ll see. I’m hearing it across here. You’ll see a resolve, men that you go, I don’t know that I have that strength of character that I see in her. Physically stronger doesn’t mean better. We’ve got to learn to value our differences. I’ll give you an example of that. Take this fine China vase that is in some museum from some Chinese dynasty of the 16th century. Delicate, valuable. Is it more valuable, or is there a difference in value in this, let’s say Stanley Cup? Throw up the photo of the Stanley Cup right. Well, it depends how you plan to use it. I’m not going to throw the vase into the car to run off to the basketball game, to make sure I’m hydrated. That’s not a good use. That’s what the Stanley Cup’s for. But when it comes to intrinsic monetary value, that vase has its own value. It’s not about which one’s stronger. Each has its role, each has its purpose. And the call here, as you said, is to honor the woman as the weaker vessel. And I want to make a comment about this that’s difficult to bring up, but it’s important because here’s what Paul is trying to– Peter is trying to drive at here. We all have advantages in the way we have been designed, whether it’s husband or wife. Last week he said to the wife, don’t use your advantages, your physical advantages to manipulate. Instead, honor value one another. So don’t use, men, your physical strength to take advantage of women. Jesus didn’t do that. Jesus. He didn’t come as Hercules or Samson. He didn’t. He said I could call down 12 legions of angels at any moment and do whatever I want. He didn’t use his strength against us. He just came as a regular dude. Whatever strength he had, he used to serve. And so our call is not to take advantage of our physical strength to try to get our way. And by the way, it doesn’t work. You might get people to do what you want by using your strength, but you won’t have their heart. And the call as a Christian man is to pursue, to love, to serve and look. If the role was reversed, if your boss was twice your size physically and made sure they did what you, you did what they want by using their strength, you would hate that person. You would despise that person. It doesn’t work. It might work on the surface, but it’s not what we’re called to be about as Christian men. We don’t take whatever advantage God has given us. We use that to serve, not abuse. So if you’re a man who has found yourself slipping into that, you’re taking advantage of your physical strength with someone in your family. Let me just say today, do whatever it takes to put an end to that. Go and talk to someone today. Could be a leader in the church. Could be someone who’s a life group leader. One of the elders myself today. Make it today where you say this is this is stopping today. And then if you’re a woman who’s on the receiving end of that, do whatever it takes to get safe. We’re here to come alongside you, to love you, to help you. You’ve got to be safe. You don’t deserve to continue to receive that. Okay? That’s a lot. I know that’s heavy right here in the middle of the message, but I think the passage is speaking to that specifically. Okay. I made you both different ways. Don’t use your advantage to abuse whatever it may be. Use it to serve, to love. Honor her design. That’s number three. Number two. Now let’s look at number three. Look at the next phrase in this passage. Honor. The woman is the weaker vessel since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. Number three, what we’re called to do in light of all this is delight in how you are designed to work together. Take great delight in the ways you’re designed to work together. God made us different for a reason. Not to drive you crazy, though it might. Look, the very– here’s the crazy thing about differences in relationship. The very thing that drew you together are the differences. You saw that other person and you thought, I love that about them. I love how outgoing they are. I’m not very outgoing. I love how outgoing they are. And then the thing that attracted you to them becomes the thing that drives you crazy later. The thing you complain about the most, why you always wanting to drag me everywhere. You know, it becomes the thing that you let drive you apart. Even though it’s the thing that drew you together. You see that all the time. Here’s a couple of things about differences, though. God made us different on purpose. Physically, emotionally. Of course, there are some overlaps in the way men and women are different, but there are a lot of very clear differences. He made us different on purpose for a couple of reasons. One is so that we could complement one another. There are ways that your husband, if you’re a wife or if you’re a wife, your husband. However, I said, I don’t know if I said that right. The point is, the two of you together will complement one another in ways. If you were alone, you wouldn’t be able you you wouldn’t accomplish as much alone as you do together because of the way you complement one another. But the second reason, I think, is the fact that you’re different requires you to really think about the needs of the other, to really consider, how can I best serve this person? Because I don’t naturally understand them. I don’t naturally want to move towards them. I need help with that. That requires dependence upon Christ, not dependence on self. And so these differences are designed in a way that we are meant to be encouraged by and to celebrate. And as he said here, the reason why is we are co-heirs of the grace of life. So it’s not like physically stronger is better and emotionally stronger or physically attractive is better. We’re we’re co-heirs when it comes to standing before Christ, we stand at the same place. There’s no my physical strength doesn’t get me closer to Jesus. Than Julie. Imagine a situation where there’s twins, brother and sister, twins, and they have an inheritance coming to them. Distant grandparent is giving them inheritance. Large inheritance. And they’re to split it exactly equal to the penny to a person. How ridiculous would it be if the brother said, well, you know, I’m physically stronger, so clearly I’m more valuable. I’m clearly worth more than you. What’s the exact same amount? And how silly would it be for the sister to say, well, listen, I’m much more physically attractive than you, so therefore I am worth more. I am more valuable. You’re worth the exact same amount. You are co-heirs. And when it comes to the grace of life, the thing that matters the most, and how we please the Lord and follow and pursue him. You are a coheir. We are called to delight in that reality. Part of the reason why is this all comes back to the Trinity father, son, Holy Spirit, very different roles and their eternal relationship and the way they relate to one another and the way they relate to us. And yet there’s eternal delight and celebration in that. It’s not like the father is really God. Jesus is a little closer, and the Holy Spirit maybe fills in the gaps sometimes if needed. If we’re way ahead in the score, we might put him in the game. No, no. All three equally God, father, son and Holy Spirit. And not just tolerating one another, but delighting in one another, delighting in their differences for eternity. That sets the pattern for us. Delight in those differences. Delight in one another. Now there’s a fourth thing to point out. The reason why we can honor one another. Live with understanding. Recognize we’re co-heirs. Here’s the reason he gives here so that your prayers may not be hindered, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Number four on the screen, the important thing for us is to recognize what is at stake with all of this. Recognize what is at stake. This isn’t just about. We want to make sure you have a nice, harmonious, happy home. And by the way, I hope you do. This isn’t just about let’s make sure to get along this isn’t just about making sure we look modern in society and we’re able to support one another. Now look, at the end of the day, so much more is at stake. Even at the end of the day, the way you relate to one another tells the world about your relationship with Christ. Now this phrase, your prayers may not be hindered. I think it could mean a couple of different things. It could just mean simply that if I’m not treating my wife right, it’s hard to pray that that hinders my prayer life. It could also mean some of the different interpretive options is that maybe God won’t listen to my prayers when I’m not treating her right. I think it’s probably a little bit of both. All right. Play. The reality is, a lot is at stake. Our spiritual lives are intimately connected to the way we treat one another. This is so important that any time I do a wedding, I always start out with this, and it always feels weird to say, but it’s so true and it’s so important to say this wedding today we’re here and it’s not even about you. And of course, anyone who’s gotten married knows you’ve made it entirely about you. That’s all you’ve thought about for months. Every instance of planning in the way you probably didn’t need as much as you normally do to make sure you look your best. Every moment was meant to set up that we look amazing and probably the best we’ll ever look in our life right now. Everybody look at us. It’s all about us. And I start out by saying, this is not even about you. Marriage is not about you and our world. It’s become that. But that same chapter in Ephesians five, it ends with marriage is a great mystery. And the mystery is this is that it points to Christ’s love for his church. You know, when a marriage is working right, when a husband is lovingly serving his wife, sacrificing for his wife, when she is lovingly serving under his leadership, and they are working together to accomplish more than they ever could alone. And you see that harmony and you see conflict resolved, and you see that when there is hurt, they pursue one another instead of running away from one another. And when there is a break in the relationship, they submit to Christ and they pray, and they do what it takes to move towards one another. And they forgive one another. And there’s kindness and there’s joy when you see that that stands out. And when you see that, that is a picture, just a glimpse of Christ’s love for us. You get a picture of that. There’s so much more at stake. The gospel is at stake. This is why First Timothy, when it talks about the elders in the church leaders, people who should lead in the church, one of the requirements is that you’ve served your home well. If I can’t lead well in my home, what makes you think you’re going to do it here? You’re not. If I can’t serve those who are closest to me when I don’t want to, what makes you think you’re going to do it here? You won’t. That’s why it’s so key that in a relationship, we understand it’s a picture of Christ’s love for the church. A friend of mine, Rob, he. We serve together ministry in little Rock as well for years. And actually, he probably, in a lot of ways is a mentor as well. He’s probably 10 or 15 years older than me. We’ve we’ve hung out quite a bit. And I remember one day he was telling me some of his back story and sharing about his life and things. God had taught him, and he grew up in a home that wasn’t Christian, didn’t have a dad came to know Christ in college. He was playing basketball in college, came to know Christ, radically changed his life, met his wife Theresa, who had also come to know Christ. And they commit. We want to build our home on Christ. We don’t want to go down the path our families went down. We want to set a new legacy, a new direction. And so they get married. They’re having children, building a life together. But Rob puts too much energy into the career. This happens a lot. This is where I’m going to build my legacy. This is where I’m going to find my significance at work. And so Theresa saying to him, Rob, look, we need more of you at home. You’re never coming home to the kids are in bed. I never get to talk with you. I never know when you’re going to be home. Rob, would you come home or can we spend more time together? We joined in this together. I don’t feel like we’re serving together night after night. She’s saying this night after night, she’s pulling his meal out of the fridge, handing it to him, heating it up night after night. And look again. I get it, they’re seasons where we’ve got to do that. But this was a pattern he was choosing to pursue when he didn’t have to. And so one night she said to him. Rob, I need to talk to you about something. And he said, oh, we’re going to have this conversation again. How are we? And she said, no, we’re not, because tomorrow I’m going to talk to Steve, who was one of the elders at the church, and he said, what you’re going to do? What what are you going to say to him? She said, I’m going to tell him that you’re a fake. And she ran into the bedroom and shut the door behind her. And he said, I don’t want her to do that. What am I going to do? He said, John, I was up all night praying. I was on my knees. I was on my face going, Lord, I don’t know what to do. I didn’t have a dad in the home. I want to be a godly husband and a godly father, but I don’t know what to do. Would you show me all night? He said I was praying over first Peter three seven. I was weeping, God, would you direct me? I want to show her honor. I want to live in an understanding way. And I need your wisdom because I’m not right now. I got my ladder against the wrong wall. And he said, over the course of that night, God just began to work in his heart and began to show him and to give him ideas. And he said, by the time the sun came up and she came out of the room, he said, listen, if you need to go talk to Steve, that’s great, I understand. But let me tell you what God has, I believe, shown me over the course of this night. Let me at least share this with you. And so he laid out a plan. I’m going to go to my boss. I’m going to say, I got to be home by six. I’m going to say I need Sundays off, and I’m going to involve two other employees, and I’m going to give them two days off where they only had one, so they can work on Sundays. And he came with this whole plan. Will you allow me to do that? I want to carve out the time. I want to make this commitment. He goes to the boss. He shares all that. The boss said, you know, I think what you’re doing is wise. Let’s try it. Let’s go for it. And he already had a plan. It’s a plan that ultimately he believed. But also and he made the case benefit the company side benefit. But in presenting a plan he wanted to see if the boss would receive it. And so here’s what happened. Of course, now he’s able to come home, now he get that commitment. Now their relationship is growing. And of course other things come up that opened the door to other conversations. They said, John, here’s what’s crazy about all that. Of course, our marriage is growing and we’re happy. A side thing that happened that I didn’t even consider. He manage the sports store. This was up in the northwest, one of 440 stores, he said. Our store over the course of that year went to the number one store among all the stores, he said. That wasn’t even a goal, he said. I believe God was honoring my decision to put my family first. We even got a trip to New York City out of it at Christmas time. They paid for it all. But it all started with him submitting himself to Christ, listening to his wife, seeking to honor her, to put his family above himself, and to acknowledge, I don’t understand it all. I don’t have it all figured out. That’s what this passage is talking about. Live with knowledge. Live according to knowledge, honor one another, honor our differences, delight in that, and ultimately recognize that at the end of the day, this is a picture to a watching world of what you believe about Christ. And I promise if you put him first in your relationship, you’ll watch him work in your life in ways you never could have imagined. Let’s pray. God, I know that in a room this size, inevitably there are many challenges in relationships, and there’s no way that we can begin to address all those in 30 or 40 minutes together. But your word will and your spirit will guide God. I pray right now that couples in the room, wherever they are in their relationship, wherever they are spiritually, that they would be listening to you. If there are those who have crossed the line in physical abuse, that today would be the day they draw a line. If there are those who are in a place where there is consistent neglect of one another, that today would be the day they take a step toward one another. And for those who are single, they would just keep trusting you, keep depending on you in all areas of life. But talking about marriage, we’re not saying that married people are better than single people. There’s nothing in the Bible that makes that case. God, I pray you would continue to bring hope and comfort and peace to every person who is here today. I pray this church would be a place where, over the course of our years together, people would see our love for one another and they would know you’re at work. Help us to love one another well, to serve one another well, to consider how we’re different, to take that into account and to delight in that. God, help us to confess our sins to you, to submit to you at the end of the day, above all else, to trust you. First Peter we’re going to see later on says, humble yourself, therefore under the mighty hand of God, so that he may exalt you at the proper time. God, would you help us to humble ourselves to you today? We love you, Jesus. Amen.